Turkmenistan

Hello People.

Sorry its been so long since my last post. Internet has been scarce on the ground in the last few weeks and time has been even scarcer. So whats been happening? Well since my last post I have successfully travelled across the Caspian Sea, through Turkmenistan and am now in the magnificent Bukhara in Uzbekistan. Never heard of those countries? Yep me too until a few months ago.

You might remember from my last post that I was waiting anxiously as I was due to jump on a ferry across the Caspian Sea from Baku. Well, we arrived at the port at 3 am and were told a ferry would be leaving at 4, then 6, then 10. So we had an uncomfortable night's sleep on the truck. I awoke at around 9 with an arse as numb as Jordan's brain then sat around drinking tea waiting for about 4 hours. However, we managed to get through security and ended up with a quite acceptable cabin and set sail around 3pm so only a 12 hour wait. The ships that travel aren't actually ferry liners. They're oil and freight ships that occasionally carry passengers if the price is right! I spent the day sleeping and being annoyed by Azerbaijan sailors who wanted to talk but couldn't speak English but they managed to communicate "Rooney" and nothing else. I've learned that soccer is an international language that all men know and that "Rooney" is the most commonly known word.

In the evening we even got fed which was a major bonus. We had a piece of chicken on a bed of cracked wheat as my Pot Noodles lay forgotten. CJ our guide even managed to negotiate a couple of Beers from the captain. We were quite content, it even made up for the fact that we were all sharing one atrocious toilet. 

However, this led to drinking with some of the Sailors and more broken conversations about football. Just shows: Lads are lads, wherever you are.. One of the Sailors tried on Richards's hair for good measure.

They told us that we would not be docking till mid afternoon the next day so I prepared myself for a stellar lie in with a pot noodle for breakfast. However at 5 am an unimaginable Witch of a woman came knocking on our door with a broom and shouting telling us to get the hell out because we had arrived. I made journey time 16 hours from port to port which, I believe, is a trip record.

As I had guessed there was no way we'd get straight through customs at 5am. We were off the boat at 6 am and lay around till 10am before we could get through. This was followed by another 4 hour wait for the truck to get through customs but was made easier by a sausage and fried egg from a local caff.

The first thing that shocked me was the heat. It was warm enough in Azerbaijan but Jesus it was hot in Turkmenistan. We spent the day driving through the desert and with the window open it felt like someone was  blowing you in the face with a hairdryer. Easily over 40 degrees. We bush camped the first night and our guide Max warned us about Snakes and Scorpions but quickly followed this up with "there's nothing to worry about." Snakes? Scorpions? That's something to worry about in my book...

We moved onto the capital Ashgabat the next day. This place blew my mind. I don't know what I was expecting but it certainly wasn't what I saw. The city was completely destroyed by an earthquake in the 40s and its been rebuilt in huge impressive white marble all imported from Europe. The country is in the Desert yet every building has a huge fountain outside it. The city has an ice rink and every building is huge and grand. 

I have to say even though it was all stunningly beautiful there seemed a weird atmosphere in the place. There seemed to be nobody around and all the buildings were over the top as if to show off wealth yet there seemed to be no sign of anyone enjoying them. 

Turkmenistan is a Police state. This meant that every street corner had either a Policeman or a Soldier standing on it. No international text messages were allowed, no photos of government buildings and we were told that our hotel rooms would be bugged! As our guide took us around and we were looking at the building above suddenly a camera crew turn up and Richard gave them an interview they said to say what he thought of the place and it was for Turkmen TV.. Coincidence?

The country has bags and bags of cash. They have huge oil reserves and enough Gas to last them 400 years. Max was telling us that every person in the country gets free gas and that they receive 2500 euros of free fuel every year. Even if they use all this, petrol is still the equivalent of 20 cent a liter! 

Petrol is .55 Manat a litre. Water is 1 Manat a liter, almost twice the price!

After our morning tour of Ashgabat I relaxed for the evening in the hotel. That evening it finally happened, something everyone had warned me about and told me about and glorified in stories...

I got the shits.

Now in my last Blog I was told off by my Mum for talking about shitting too much. "I don't want to read about you taking a shit on the internet thank you" But I would not be doing this blog justice if I didn't tell you about it. Don't get me wrong I've had Diarrhea before. But this. This was ridiculous! I was puking my guts up and simultaneously pissing out of my arse constantly for about 5 hours. It was by far the worst I have ever felt my body was just flushing me out and leaving nothing to chance. I couldn't help thinking if this room was bugged then whoever was listening was having a bad night's work! After a few hours I managed to keep down an antibiotic and some re hydration fluids and it came to an end. I looked visibly skinnier and pale. Not a nice experience! 

The following day we traveled up north and I spent the day sleeping and receiving sympathy off all the girls which I obviously didn't enjoy one bit... 

We drove up through the desert and had Tea in a tea house on the way which was really cool.

We bush camped in the desert and that night we experienced the highlight of Turkmenistan for me: The gas crater. This was lit 40 years ago and is literally gas coming out of the ground on fire. Waste of Gas? Yeah sure but they've 400 years of the stuff! It's Gas...

We continued our way north the following day with a long drive as we were to camp near the Uzbek border. In the afternoon we stopped at another Desert town in this place that was described as a Sauna and was the most bizarre establishment I have ever been to. It was a bar with a dance floor that served tea. But in the back there were a load of showers, a sauna and the most disgusting swimming pool in existence. We all had a shit and a shower then some tea. As a laugh Lucy got up dancing to the music. Next thing the bar owner turned up the music and turned down the lights. Next thing: impromptu disco in the desert! That's what its all about for me. It reminded me of the street bonfire in Istanbul, just a random moment: Dancing in a tea house in Turkmenistan..sober! We later worked out that the place was also a brothel.

The next day we made our way to the border and into Uzbekistan and I'll be honest glad to move on. Lovely country with fantastic scenery but with a weird paranoid atmosphere that will surely go over time.

Currently in Uzbekistan which I'm really really liking and will tell all in my next post.

And don't forget you can find my exact location via this link:
http://share.findmespot.com/shared/faces/viewspots.jsp?glId=0nreeXaLcgGS6xkCr8fF5IvdI1BAZEevv

That's all for now see ya later dudes!