Uzbekistan

Why Hello there Blog followers how art thou on this fine day. I battle the elements of hangover and poor internet to bring you my latest (and possibly last for a while) blog update from Uzbekistan!

So as I mentioned I was happy to be leaving Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan was a huge improvement!

We had a painless border crossing and met with our guide Mirza who was to take us around the country. He was a funny little guy always started a sentence with "So..." and had a really funny accent. He was at his funniest when he told us jokes.

"There is a joke in Uzbekistan. So... there was a Georgian man, Russian man, Uzbek man and Korean man on a train. Georgian man say we have loads of wine in our country so he throw out of window. Russian man say we have loads of vodka in our country so he throw out of window. (Pause for effect) Uzbek man say we have loads of Koreans in Uzbek so he throw out of window. Hahahaha"

You had to be there..

Our Guide, Mirza

Our first stop was a place called Khiva. The town exists primarily for tourism as it has been turned into a museum town where you pay to enter the town and see the sights. We spent two night here. Mirza gave us a tour in the morning and saw everything. Really interesting place with loads of things to see primarily cultural. Khiva was one of the main stop off points for caravans travelling the Silk Road so had lots of grand buildings and Madrassas. Madrassas are special schools where boys used to go to learn the Koran.

Our digs in Khiva

The Impressive Minaret in Khiva. Minarets are the towers used to call to prayer and occasionally kill people.

Cemetary

The second night we all went out for dinner and afterwards Mirza and another guy took us to a night club. We were the only ones in there on account of it being a week night and Aoife took over from the DJ who was delighted to let us take over as we were the only customers.

The girls DJing

The next morning was an early start (luckily we'd been half sensible on the drink) and headed to Bukhara. This place was similar to Khiva. It was aimed at Tourists and the sights and buildings were terrific. This place had the most impressive Madrassas and Mosques. I was shocked at the amount of people who spoke English. All the kids came up and said "hello." Uzbeksitan has had the friendliest people so far by a mile everyone smiles and says hello (and tries to sell you something.)

Madrassa in Samarkand

A working Mosque

The best incident was when me and Denis were walking through Bukhara and I was taking a photo of him infront of a tree. A girl, about 9 years old had stopped to let me take the photo. I told her to pass and Denis and I told her to get in the photo which she did with a sweet smile. Next thing she says to Denis: "Ice Cream?" Denis, resigned to the fact he'd been stung goes "Aye, all right" "Then she goes: "Friend?" "No feck off just you!" She reeled him in and he bit. I sat there pissing myself as she led him off to bu her an ice cream. He deleted the photo.


From here we went to Samarkand. This was a bigger place more like a city. We were staying next to the University and the difference was subtle yet obvious. Much younger people, not as friendly but a much more liberal place. Mirza did one of his famous tours. There was a fantastic Madrassa and Mausoleum and a brilliant Bazaar (market). There was a fake McDonalds.

Large Madrassa in Samarkand

Central Square, Samarkand

Denis and Mel

The Bazaar

It was here that CJ broke the news that Tibet was closed to Foreigners until mid July which means we won't be able to visit there when we go through China. It also means that Nepal, Everest and India are all out and instead we will be spending longer in eastern China and South East Asia instead. It was quite a shock as Everest was one of the highlights for most of us and everyone was disappointed. But it does mean we'll see more of China including the Great Wall and the Panda Sanctuary as well as more of Vietnam so that will all be cool.



It was in Samarkand we had the mother of all nights out. This night out was different as Mirza took us to a traditional Uzbek dance hall where people go for dinner and then it turns into a disco. The best part about it was that whole families go out together and get ridiculously pissed up. When we got there even before we ordered food these crazy women came over to us and dragged us up dancing going mental. They were out celebrating a 60th birthday with the whole family. It felt like we were at a wedding except Wine was $3 a bottle. Fun times were had. It was so good we went again two nights later and we were treated to belly dancing by chicks who didn't have anything close to a belly. It was a border line strip club all in the name of family entertainment.

Crazy dancing

Crazy Woman!

More dancing

Belly Dancers demanding money

We moved onto Tashkent where we had two nights. The capital city had little to offer in regards to culture so we went to a water park and got sunburnt!


As I said Uzbeks have been the friendliest people so far I loved them. However, for some reason I don't think they like me. Here's why:


1. They keep saying I look like Wayne Rooney. Its bad enough to be told I look like Karl Pilkington but Wayne frickin Rooney??? You can f**k right off!
2. One of the funny things about the place was that the local people kept coming up to us asking for pictures with us. They were especially interested in the girls with blonde hair (aren't we all!) because no one in the country is blonde. However, I didn't get asked ONCE!!! I was getting a complex. Then one day we were walking around and these girls asked Jen and Lucey to be in a picture with them. I was like "right feck off so if you don't want me in it" then I felt a tap on my shoulder and I felt a wave of happiness as I felt loved and needed. A smile erupted on my face as I felt I had been accepted into theis foreign country, this new unfamiliar culture had finally accepted me as a friend.. I turned around and the girl handed me the camera, to take the photo. Humph
3. When the belly dancers were finished they went around the tables giving private dances (I know!) and you had to give them money (you didn't tuck it into their pants, just gave it to them) and I was waiting patiently with 1000 Sum in my hand and when she came past she skipped me and went to Keith. Yeah whatever bitch I didn't want it anyway!!

Needless complex or genuine reason? You decide!

Keith caught in the act!

For those of you following my shits I am now used to the heat so thankfully they are currently regular and solid for the time being anyway.


That be all for now. I am currently in Kyrgyzstan heading into the mountains for a few days so communications will be gone for a while. Then into China. No Facebook or Blogger for a whole month. Weird!


Adios amigos

Turkmenistan

Hello People.

Sorry its been so long since my last post. Internet has been scarce on the ground in the last few weeks and time has been even scarcer. So whats been happening? Well since my last post I have successfully travelled across the Caspian Sea, through Turkmenistan and am now in the magnificent Bukhara in Uzbekistan. Never heard of those countries? Yep me too until a few months ago.

You might remember from my last post that I was waiting anxiously as I was due to jump on a ferry across the Caspian Sea from Baku. Well, we arrived at the port at 3 am and were told a ferry would be leaving at 4, then 6, then 10. So we had an uncomfortable night's sleep on the truck. I awoke at around 9 with an arse as numb as Jordan's brain then sat around drinking tea waiting for about 4 hours. However, we managed to get through security and ended up with a quite acceptable cabin and set sail around 3pm so only a 12 hour wait. The ships that travel aren't actually ferry liners. They're oil and freight ships that occasionally carry passengers if the price is right! I spent the day sleeping and being annoyed by Azerbaijan sailors who wanted to talk but couldn't speak English but they managed to communicate "Rooney" and nothing else. I've learned that soccer is an international language that all men know and that "Rooney" is the most commonly known word.

In the evening we even got fed which was a major bonus. We had a piece of chicken on a bed of cracked wheat as my Pot Noodles lay forgotten. CJ our guide even managed to negotiate a couple of Beers from the captain. We were quite content, it even made up for the fact that we were all sharing one atrocious toilet. 

However, this led to drinking with some of the Sailors and more broken conversations about football. Just shows: Lads are lads, wherever you are.. One of the Sailors tried on Richards's hair for good measure.

They told us that we would not be docking till mid afternoon the next day so I prepared myself for a stellar lie in with a pot noodle for breakfast. However at 5 am an unimaginable Witch of a woman came knocking on our door with a broom and shouting telling us to get the hell out because we had arrived. I made journey time 16 hours from port to port which, I believe, is a trip record.

As I had guessed there was no way we'd get straight through customs at 5am. We were off the boat at 6 am and lay around till 10am before we could get through. This was followed by another 4 hour wait for the truck to get through customs but was made easier by a sausage and fried egg from a local caff.

The first thing that shocked me was the heat. It was warm enough in Azerbaijan but Jesus it was hot in Turkmenistan. We spent the day driving through the desert and with the window open it felt like someone was  blowing you in the face with a hairdryer. Easily over 40 degrees. We bush camped the first night and our guide Max warned us about Snakes and Scorpions but quickly followed this up with "there's nothing to worry about." Snakes? Scorpions? That's something to worry about in my book...

We moved onto the capital Ashgabat the next day. This place blew my mind. I don't know what I was expecting but it certainly wasn't what I saw. The city was completely destroyed by an earthquake in the 40s and its been rebuilt in huge impressive white marble all imported from Europe. The country is in the Desert yet every building has a huge fountain outside it. The city has an ice rink and every building is huge and grand. 

I have to say even though it was all stunningly beautiful there seemed a weird atmosphere in the place. There seemed to be nobody around and all the buildings were over the top as if to show off wealth yet there seemed to be no sign of anyone enjoying them. 

Turkmenistan is a Police state. This meant that every street corner had either a Policeman or a Soldier standing on it. No international text messages were allowed, no photos of government buildings and we were told that our hotel rooms would be bugged! As our guide took us around and we were looking at the building above suddenly a camera crew turn up and Richard gave them an interview they said to say what he thought of the place and it was for Turkmen TV.. Coincidence?

The country has bags and bags of cash. They have huge oil reserves and enough Gas to last them 400 years. Max was telling us that every person in the country gets free gas and that they receive 2500 euros of free fuel every year. Even if they use all this, petrol is still the equivalent of 20 cent a liter! 

Petrol is .55 Manat a litre. Water is 1 Manat a liter, almost twice the price!

After our morning tour of Ashgabat I relaxed for the evening in the hotel. That evening it finally happened, something everyone had warned me about and told me about and glorified in stories...

I got the shits.

Now in my last Blog I was told off by my Mum for talking about shitting too much. "I don't want to read about you taking a shit on the internet thank you" But I would not be doing this blog justice if I didn't tell you about it. Don't get me wrong I've had Diarrhea before. But this. This was ridiculous! I was puking my guts up and simultaneously pissing out of my arse constantly for about 5 hours. It was by far the worst I have ever felt my body was just flushing me out and leaving nothing to chance. I couldn't help thinking if this room was bugged then whoever was listening was having a bad night's work! After a few hours I managed to keep down an antibiotic and some re hydration fluids and it came to an end. I looked visibly skinnier and pale. Not a nice experience! 

The following day we traveled up north and I spent the day sleeping and receiving sympathy off all the girls which I obviously didn't enjoy one bit... 

We drove up through the desert and had Tea in a tea house on the way which was really cool.

We bush camped in the desert and that night we experienced the highlight of Turkmenistan for me: The gas crater. This was lit 40 years ago and is literally gas coming out of the ground on fire. Waste of Gas? Yeah sure but they've 400 years of the stuff! It's Gas...

We continued our way north the following day with a long drive as we were to camp near the Uzbek border. In the afternoon we stopped at another Desert town in this place that was described as a Sauna and was the most bizarre establishment I have ever been to. It was a bar with a dance floor that served tea. But in the back there were a load of showers, a sauna and the most disgusting swimming pool in existence. We all had a shit and a shower then some tea. As a laugh Lucy got up dancing to the music. Next thing the bar owner turned up the music and turned down the lights. Next thing: impromptu disco in the desert! That's what its all about for me. It reminded me of the street bonfire in Istanbul, just a random moment: Dancing in a tea house in Turkmenistan..sober! We later worked out that the place was also a brothel.

The next day we made our way to the border and into Uzbekistan and I'll be honest glad to move on. Lovely country with fantastic scenery but with a weird paranoid atmosphere that will surely go over time.

Currently in Uzbekistan which I'm really really liking and will tell all in my next post.

And don't forget you can find my exact location via this link:
http://share.findmespot.com/shared/faces/viewspots.jsp?glId=0nreeXaLcgGS6xkCr8fF5IvdI1BAZEevv

That's all for now see ya later dudes!

Azerbaijan..

Hello!

I write in haste and excitement! I am in my hotelroom in Baku. the capital of Azerbaijan. Its currently midnight, the light is off, Denis is asleep and we are catching a ferry across the Caspian Sea to Turkmenistan at 3am! So as I say to all the girls, I'll make this quick!

So what has happened since we last talked? Well we made our merry way from Tblisi the Georgian capital to the East of the country. This is the wine region and we visited a very nice winery that is run by an American artist in a very nice small town who's name I have forgotten. Georgian wine is some of the best in the world and the brewing technique they used in the winery we visited can be traced back to 8000BC. So can the guy's beard..

We slowly made our way across Georgia with a few Bushcamps one where I got bitten to shit by bleedin Mosquitos but apart from that it was very relaxing (apart from the thunder!) One of the highlights of the next few days was a little monastery we visited that was carved out of rock. Truly spectacular!

Oh and we saw some really cool cloud formations!

We then arrived in a small town called Telavi. Again, small town life so strange and surreal. We stayed in a homestay with a woman who didn't quite live up to the Mrs. Doyle of Mestia but who was very nice and had a seriously posh gaff! We celebrated Georgian Independance day in the house and old vino did flow! There are no pictures from the night because none exist and thats the way it wil stay forever...

Soon it was time to leave the eastern European, Soviet ravaged Georgia for the Oil rich madness of Azerbaijan. Border day was relatively smooth across in about 2 hours which was amazing considering the hassle we had with the visas. It was a short drive to Sheki our first port of call. This was a small town and we stayed in a Caravansaray which is a really old hotel where the traders used to stay. The ground floor was for their animals and the traders slept upstairs. No animals stay there these days except me and Denis!

The following night was one of the highlights of the last few weeks. We had a really cool bushcamp on the side of a monutain right next to some mud volcanoes. These were really cool as they spurted out of nowhere and the lava spilled down the side of the mini volcano. there was also a lake that you could wade through and the ground gave way as you walked and you'd sink into the volcanic ground super awesome man. By far the best bushcamp we've had to date!

Today we made the short trip to Baku. CJ and Jim, our guides, dropped us at the hotel and headed down to the port to beg borrow and bribe our way onto an oil tanker across the Caspian Sea to Turkmenistan. They returned 2 and a half hours later and announced that we were leaving at 3 am so get to bed f**kers!

I had a siesta this afternon then headed around Baku with Denis. To sum up the place from what I saw in a few hours is the place has bags and bags of cash! Oil money is just pouring into the place and its full of rich little kids and overdressed women and extortionate prices. It feels like we took a step back into the west for one night only before we head to the unknown desert of Turkmensitan. Having said all that they seem to be spending the money well. The city is beautiful and I will say if you're into construction get to Baku there's cranes everywhere!

So only an hour till we meet so I'm gonna get packed. This ferry journey can take anywhere between 16 and 36 hours depending on weather and reliability of the port so I think "interesting" may be the word to describe it.

Wish me luck...

An Eejit Abroad in Georgia!

Hello!

Christ almighty so much to say so little time. In case your wondering since my last post I have been dubbed "Ireland's answer to Karl Pilkington" so that will be the theme of the blog from now on even though being compared to a dumb Mancunian  isn't something I would usually shout about...

Alrite...

So Georgia. We arrived I dunno how many days ago after a few bushcamps in some mountains in Turkey. Those of you who know me will be aware that camping in Bush is something I usually enjoy so I was quite excited.. It is a lot of fun. Some days I feel like a "Traveler" as we stop on a flat piece of ground and just set up, we don't shower and we go trying to sell gates to people. Ok the last ones not true but you know....The good thing about it is great scenery. The first night though there was a huge thunderstorm which was really cool because it seemed to happen either side of us so we could see it happening but it wasn't really raining on us..

Oh and for those of you wondering about the field shitting.. In a word: Liberating.

So when we got to Georgia we headed to a place called Batumi the second city. Strikingly different to Turkey the streets were all rubble because of the harsh winters and every second shop was a place where you could exchange money. Vodka was bloody cheap though. We had a bit of a strange meal in a restaurant shaped like a boat where we got hunks of meat and salad. We didn't care though because the hotel had a shower. We're easy to please after three nights bushcamping.. You know how it is after a long stint in Bush.

The next day was a bumpy 14 hour journey to a village called Mestia in the North West of the country. You might think this was a drag but not so my friends. At lunch we stopped on the side of the road and were setting up when these drunk guys came over with shit loads of wine and chocolates (only for the girls) and a party was in full swing before CJ reminded us we had 8 hours driving left so we continued the party on the truck all the way to Mestia (without the drunk guys!) and drank every drop of alcohol on the truck including Wine, Beer, Vodka and Gin. Accompanied with an ipod and speakers and drunken singing we managed to piss off everyone at the front of the truck. But good times and a good Birthday for Susie Q.

We stayed at a homestay where we had a Georgian Mrs. Doyle looking after us. If you stood still long enough you got a cup of tea that was the rule!

The following day we had a tour of the village and a hike up one of the mountains to the top (that only 2 of us managed cos everyone else was wrecked from the day before) which was amazing scenery. The village was incredible. Its the first time my eyes have been properly opened on the trip. I consider where I live to be remote. I live 10 miles from a town about 15 mins drive away and an hour from a city. These people live 8 hours drive from ANY form of civilisation along a bumpy mountain road and in the winter they are completely snowed in. They only built a little airport there about 5 years ago and there was NO road in at all until the 1950s! They didn't even have a McDonalds!

The top photo above is a local church. The next one is Steve inside one of the old traditional houses they used to live in. The next one is Katya the 17 year old guide who took us around with her dog. They have huge dogs in Georgia and train them to look after the sheep and fight off wolves! The others are the view from the hike and the snow on the mountain.

From Mestia we went onto a few Bushcamps. We stayed in a place called Nakalakevi next to the ruins of Sheki Palace which unfortunately was closed. Here CJ our guide showed off his Russian by chatting to the cops who came over to see what we were at. They liked him so much we had two Policemen sitting watching us all night for our own protection as well as them showing us the way for a few miles the next day. They either didn't trust us or they were extremely bored not sure which!

The next day we headed to another Bushcamp beside a river and beside these really cool caves that me and Denis had a look around. More feckin dogs hanging around the bleedin Bushcamp this time barking and keeping us awake.

From here we went to a town called Gori (Co Wexford wha?) which was Stalin's hometown. We had a look around the Stalin museum where the guide was very pro Stalin and didn't mind telling us that he was a great man who had bad staff working for him! It was incredible to hear here talk about him like she fancied him. But then I am a great believer that History is written by the victors so who knows maybe she was right? We had a look at his house where he was born and his personal railway carriage. Pretty Cool.

Next up was two more nights of Bushcamping in a place called Kasbergy. This was a really scenic drive through the Caucaus montains and I was sitting up in the cab so got a great view. We were at our highest yet 2400 metres going through some of the tunnels was surreal.

We had two nights Bushcamping where the scenery was just amazing. Once again we had a load of friendly dogs just hanging out with us. It was strange because we have a special tent for going to the toilet and the dogs seemed to hang out around the tent and they'd sit there while you tried to go and wouldn't move. Then they make eye contact with you when you're going for a poo so frickin weird! Why make eye contact? Why??

We had a hike up to a monastery overlooking the campsite in great weather and chilled out around the camp for the evening.

Yesterday we arrived in Tblisi the capital city. The shower. What can I say? Words just can't describe my appreciation! As Mel said "Heroin addict no more!"

We were all cultured out so we went for dinner to an Irish bar to watch the Heineken Cup Final. All I'll say is we made the most of it!

Today our Georgian guide Zaza took us around Tblisi and it is a really nice city, very modern and different to the rest of Georgia. There seems to be a lot of money being spent on it and the good weather helped us out!

Right well that took ages you better appreciate these you ungrateful sons of bitches!

Off out to dinner now heading to the Georgian wine region tomrrow and the saga of the Azerbaijan visas is sure to continue.

As KP would say: Alrite...