Thailand

I'm sorry I'm sorry it's been ages I know...

Thailand. A place you hear so much about. So many crazy stories. And so many moments where you say. "We HAVE to do it. We're in Thailand..." 

That's the attitude you take. Especially in Bangkok. So much so on the bus to Bangkok Sally asked me "Are you not going to the Palace in Bangkok Ben?" I said: "Sally. I didn't come to Bangkok to see no palaces. I came to Bangkok to see tits and ping pong balls and that's it!" And that's exactly what I did!

Bangkok is a pretty average city during the day. Not much different from places like Kuala Lumpur and Saigon. But it's at night the place gives you what so many people look for. What I call "The Bangkok experience"

I had two very cool and very funny nights out. The most interesting of which was the second night where myself and a few of the boys went to a place called Pat Pong. It's a street of strip clubs and sex shows and a market for some reason. I went to see a show with Russel, Colin and Denis (all of whom are in their 50s!) and I thought it was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life! I never knew girls could do so many things with their lady parts... There was ping pong balls, bananas, bunting, chains and RAZOR BLADES being pushed in and out of them as well as being shot up into the air as high as 8 foot and caught again. In my book..that's talent! And that's entertainment....

On the third day. I felt guilty and went to the palace. So I ate my words and Sally was right!

The Palace in Bangkok. All my other Bangkok photos are X Rated!

Palace Bangkok

The actual Royal Palace

Feeling hungover and considerably poorer than when I went, we left Bangkok and got the overnight train to Chang Mai. Chang Mai is a reasonably small town in the north of the country. You come here for one main reason-Elephants!

A few of us booked into this elephant tour. You go in the morning and spend the day there. We had an absolutely amazing time, one of the best days on the trip. When we arrived they made us change into this incredibly stylish blue denim outfit then you went and fed them bananas and sugar cane. They loved them! It was actually pretty nerve racking at first until you trusted them because they're so frickin big! But you soon learned that they're very gentle animals and their minders the Manhouts were very much in control of them. After you'd fed them they taught you how to ride them. They taught you the commands that were in Burmese and you had to lead them left and right and around a tree. After lunch we took them for a walk up into the woods. All the girls had female elephants but I had a male. When we stopped at the top of the hill the Manhout was telling us all about  the personalities of our elephants. It was incredible to listen to about how intelligent they are and how they're almost exactly like people. Some of them are moody, some are playful and they all have good and bad days. There was one elephant there that for some reason didn't like him and he was telling us that every time he walked past him the elephant would pick up stones and dirt from the ground and throw them at him! When we finished the walk then he proved it to us.

I felt very attached to my elephant. He was like me in quite a number of ways:
- He was the only boy amongst a load of girls. Like me
- He had a massive schlong that dragged off the ground with a life of its own. Like me.
- He was known to get so horny twice a year that he became aggressive towards the Manhouts and has to be chained up in the forest for two weeks until his hormones subside. Ok I've never been chained in the forest!
- He gets mad if he gets hungry or doesn't have enough food. Exactly like me!

You see. Elephants are like people.

After the walk we took them for a bath and washed and bathed them in a big lake full of elephant shit which was great! All in all a dam fun day!

Elephant Kiss

Washing in a pool of shit

More kissing

Riding Lessons

Trekking

After getting soaked

The gang at the end of the day

From here we went down to a town called Kanchanaburi. This place is very popular with tourists for two reasons. The Tiger sanctuary and the bridge over the River Kwai. And I didn't experience either!

We were there for two days. The first day we got a bus out to the Erawan waterfalls. These were really really cool. They were like a natural water park. Basically they are seven waterfalls along a mountain stream. You start at the bottom and work your way up and you can swim in the water. It was a great experience and tiring! There was even one with a natural slide that you could slide down. The only problem was the little fish that were in the water would nip you trying to eat your dead skin. It didn't hurt but man it ticked like crazy. You might hear stories of me screaming like a girl when these little fish were at my feet but none of those rumours are true...

In the Pool at the waterfall

Me and Denis getting ready to slide

Under a waterfall

The next day the gang went out to the Tigers but a few of us had read online that the Tigers were treated poorly and abused. This turned out not to be true as the guys and a great time and really enjoyed it but hey you can't win them all! Instead Susan, Zoe, Aoife and I rented really manly looking bikes and cycled around the country side. We visited some caves with Buddas inside that were really nice to see. We saw a huge memorial graveyard for the soldiers that dies in Thailand during the war that was actually quite moving. A lot of the stones had little messages on them from the families and it was really sad reading them as well as seeing the ages of the soldiers. From here we went for lunch and then TESCO!!

On the way back from Tesco we were on our way to the Bridge over the River Kwai (made famous by the film!). We were just moseying along quite content with life as the sun was shining when two guys came along on a moped and snatched Aoife's bag from the basket of her bike and sped off!! We chased them as far as we could but there was no catching them.. Only one word to describe those fellas - C**TS!! Me and Aoife spent the rest of the afternoon telling our story over and over again to these Police men as well as going down to the station to make a statement. But to no avail! She lost her camera, wallet and loads of other stuff but luckily no Passport. Kanchanaburi became not so affectionately known as Snatchanaburi from then on.

Next up was somewhere we'd all been looking forward to-Beach week! This is the week in the trip where you're off to fend for yourself and it just so happens to be on an island off the coast of Thailand. We chaose Koh Phangan and it ended up that a lot of us were at the same resort on the beach. It was a proper week long beach holiday in paradise. There actually isn't a whole lot of things to say about the week because we did NOTHING and I mean nothing. It was a holiday within a holiday and it was paradise. I've broken down the week as much as I can but detail is not something that will be interesting.

Day1. Nothing
Day2. Went to watch Ireland beat the Ozzies (Wohoo!!) at a bar with a swing rope into a lake within an inflatable hill that you can climb up and push people off.
Day3. Went to Colin & Wendy's apartment down the beach, ate prawns and drank Sangria and got into their jacuzzi with the girls. I was all up for taking the togs off but they weren't having it.
Day4. Rented a moped. Crashed it within 30 seconds which cost me a fortune to fix. Went and visited Denis & Steve in their resort for some cynicism and Rum.
Day 5. Went out on the moped a little bit around the island. Ate cake.
Day 6. Went to the half moon party. Not as epic as the Full Moon's supposed to be but still good fun.
Day 7. Nothing.

The Pool

Beach

Restaurant on the Beach

More Beach

The girls enjoying a Beach Beer

The Pool!

Sunset..

In the Jacuzzi at Colin & Wendy's..

Before we left Thailand we spent two nights in a National Park staying in tree houses in the rainforest. All I can say about it is it PISSED rain the whole time we were there and I saw a monkey and got lost in the rainforest on my way back from the pub so a Thai woman had to help me home or I woulda been fecked!!

To sum up Thailand, I had a great time there but it wouldn't be my favorite country. Probably in the bottom 3 in fact. The place is so saturated now with Tourism that it's just like going on a holiday to Spain. When a Thai person looks at you all they're concerned about is how much money they can make off you and as soon as they've done that they're not interested anymore. I know that's life an all that but it's not what we've experienced in the other places we've been to...

And yes. Ladyboys EVERYWHERE so watch out...

Next up will be my last Blog of the Odyssey expedition :(

It'll be Malaysia!!

Cambodia

Hello Again

6 nights in Cambodia into one big blog and to finally bring myself up to date...

We had a short time in this place but being honest it really shone out as one of the best, for no particular reason but just cos it was cool..

We had the simplest border crossing the world has ever seen into Cambodia and it was a short drive to Phnom Penh the capital city from the border. We arrived in a nice hotel around lunch time. Myself, Denis and Steve decided to go for a walk to find some lunch. We went about fifty yards down the road and got a beer. Then another beer. Then another beer. Then dinner. Then an unknown amount of more beers and ended up staying in the same place for a total of 11 hours at the end of which, we were drinking Blue Lagoons and debating religion and politics with a Welsh girl. Cultured or what??

The next day, a raging hangover ensuing we were up early "to do the culture." We went to witness some of Cambodia's harrowing history and the effects that Pol Pott's regime had on the people of Cambodia. First we visited the Genocide museum where Pol Pott's soldiers interrogated and tortured anyone believed to be against his regime, especially intellectuals whom he thought were smart enough to topple his reign. We met a survivor of the prison and looked in the cells and saw pictures of all the people who had been there. It was incredibly touching and moving to see.

The prison

As above..

Photographs of prisoners

As if that wasn't enough for a morning we got into our Tuk Tuks and headed to the killing fields. During Pol Pott's reign roughly 2 million people out of a population of 7 million were killed for various reasons mainly because they were believed to be intellectual. In the Killing Fields we visited, over 20,000 people were killed in this one place! As you walk around, the guide showed us mass graves of bodies. The scary thing was there were bits of bones, teeth and clothes sticking out of the ground from where the rain has pushed them up. It was truly horrifying. They also had a TOWER full of skulls of the bodies that had been found here. One hell of a morning...

The Skull tower

Signs like this everywhere

Mass Grave

You could see little bits of bones and teeth in the ground

More skull action

After another night out that lasted until 7 am where we went straight to Breakfast the other thing to tell you about from Phnom Penh was the palace we visited. This was a very grand place with huge buildings and temples to Budda. Another huge historical site with a hangover. This is a worrying pattern!

The palace grounds

Aoife's cool green pants so cool

More temple action

From Phnom Penh we went to our second destination: Siem Reap. Another tourist haven with another army of fookin Tuk Tuk drivers out to kill my buzz.. I liked this little place. The beer was cheap and the people were all really friendly especially when you spent money. Cambodia was different than Vietnam. The people are poorer and as a result, more real.
You come to Siem Reap for one purpose and that's Angkor Wat. This place was absolutely unbelievable one of the top tourist attractions in the world. An 11th century site (more or less) the stone work and detail was incredible and it was interesting to see how the jungle was trying to take it back. The whole site including all the other temples and destroyed towns is 26km square. The main Angkor Wat temple at one time was home to over 1 million people.

Before I knew it that was it for Cambodia. Not a very funny blog but plenty of culture and sessions! The killing fields especially had a big effect on everyone similar to the war museum in Saigon. Then Angkor Wat was a huge buzz just because of its significance and general amazement.. and I didn't have a hangover for it!

Finally, I've said it before and I'll say it again: "I DON'T WANT A FUCKING TUK TUK"

Next up: Thailand!!!!!!!

Vietnam

Gooooooood Morning Blog readers!! Although it may not be morning where you are. In which case,  just hello..

Vietnam. Good spot. Great bunch of lads. The end.


No there's more to tell.

First stop Hanoi. Well actually it wasn't the first stop but the other place ain't worth mentioning. So first stop was big and busy Hanoi. That was after the bus journey from hell. We took an overnight sleeper bus from Vientiane to Hanoi over the border where we saw a goat tied to the roof of a bus! Never sweated so much when the driver decided to turn off the ac. Most of the beds in the bus were ok but I was in the back seat which became known as the cave as there was three beds in one and the ceiling was two centimeters above your head. It made it a f**kin long journey. I just thanked my lucky stars I was sleeping with Zoe and Susan and not a random fat Vietnamese man! On the ceiling and walls around the cave there was graffiti from all the people that had slept in the cave before complaining about it. I added my own bit at the end of the journey:   "I just slept with two lesbians. And it wasn't fun"

Aboard the sleeper

So anyway in Hanoi we were staying in this really cool Hostel which I really enjoyed as it was probably the most happening place in the whole city, full of backpackers. Needless to say we enjoyed a few good nights out and got to talk to loads of other travelers including a Irish bloke and nice American chic... We spent three nights there drinking at night and seeing the sights in the day time. I liked the busyness of the place and the food was awesome! We saw a museum that used to be a prison during the Vietnam war and went to see some traditional water puppets..

Park in Hanoi

The lake, Hanoi

Drinks on the street

Hanoi

We then took the short journey to Halong Bay to spend a night on a boat there. If you go to Hanoi you have to go to Halong Bay it was absolutely fantastic. We got on the boat at lunch time and spent the day swimming in the water and jumping off the boat. Then we went for a Kayak around the bay to see some caves then had a very civilised dinner and session at night. Sitting out at night was incredibly peaceful and relaxing. It was one of those places that makes you stop and appreciate what you're doing. Referred to as "Having a moment" in the group!

Denis and Jim looking over the bay

The girls aboard ship

Sunset

More sunset in Halong Bay

Unfortunately we had to get moving and we had an extremely civilized bus journey down to Hue. This town wasn't as impressive as Hanoi but was significant as this was where we did a tour of the Demilitarized Zone or DMZ.  This is an area in central Vietnam that was a very significant area during the Vietnam war (or the American war as it is known here!). We had a guided tour of many important sights in the area such as the Vinh Moc tunnels where people lived during the war to hide from the Americans. We also saw a graveyard which was pretty chilling. The interesting thing for me was how we got a very different perspective of the war. The things we saw and were told about, you don't see in no American movies!

Graveyard of Vietnamese soldiers

Bridge over the Ben Hai river

Our guide for the day. Loved this dude!

In the tunnels

You have to duck!

Another cool thing we did in Hue was a river cruise on a boat down the Perfume river. We had a nice evening even though it was raining. They gave us dinner and set off night lights!

Setting off night lights on the river

Lucy avoiding the rain!

Dinner aboard ship!

We continued our way south down the coast to Hoi An. This was a nice little town. This place was the home of the Tailor. Every second shop there was someone wanting to make you a tailor made suit or shirt. As I didn't want to carry any more stuff I didn't get anything except a T shirt and some sexy underwear. It was also a great town because the girls disappeared for three days into the shops so I got some peace. Only jokin bitches :)

All the lovely girls

Hoi An at night

Sexy new underwear

Hoi An

Further south we went to my favourite part of Vietnam: Jungle Beach. This was a resort right on the beach where we chilled for three days. We stayed in Bamboo cabins and spent the day on the beach and in the water. When you went swimming at night you could see phosphorescence in the water so when you ran your hands through it it sparkled and it was as warm as bath water. Did we skinny dip? Yes we did!!

We also had a cocktail competition where we all made our own cocktail and everyone voted for their favourite. Mine and Denis' was Rum and Coke and we called it Den Bover..

Cocktails on the beach

Mrs Doyle presenting "Craggy Island Nice Tea"

The beach!

The girls outside our bamboo cabins

Our final stop was Ho Chi Minh city more commonly known as Saigon. I liked this place but it was just another city really. The best part of it, although gruesome was the War Remnants Museum. This had artifacts and original pictures from the war. This place was quite depressing but it was somewhere you just have to go when you're there. The museum highlighted the humanitarian costs of the war and didn't hide any of the details. The most shocking thing for me were the victims of Agent Orange. Agent Orange was a chemical the yanks dropped on Vietnam to try to destroy the undergrowth and prevent a Guerrilla war. But what happened was millions of people were deformed and killed by it. People are still being born deformed today from it even third generation children. You see lots of people around the streets with no arms or legs and they're all victims of this chemical. (Don't read the next sentence if you're squeamish) The worst part of the museum were pictures of deformed fetuses in jars. It was the kind of place that really makes you stop and think! It's amazing how the country is still recovering today. And it's even more amazing that the people still greet you with a smile on their face..

Inside the museum

Museum

I was sad to leave Vietnam we'd been there 18 nights and I'd grown attached to the place. However, there's one message I'd like to give the country as a whole: I DON'T WANT A FUCKING TUK TUK. Thats better.

Up next, harrowing Cambodia. Get your tissues ready (Not in that way)..