Uzbekistan

Why Hello there Blog followers how art thou on this fine day. I battle the elements of hangover and poor internet to bring you my latest (and possibly last for a while) blog update from Uzbekistan!

So as I mentioned I was happy to be leaving Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan was a huge improvement!

We had a painless border crossing and met with our guide Mirza who was to take us around the country. He was a funny little guy always started a sentence with "So..." and had a really funny accent. He was at his funniest when he told us jokes.

"There is a joke in Uzbekistan. So... there was a Georgian man, Russian man, Uzbek man and Korean man on a train. Georgian man say we have loads of wine in our country so he throw out of window. Russian man say we have loads of vodka in our country so he throw out of window. (Pause for effect) Uzbek man say we have loads of Koreans in Uzbek so he throw out of window. Hahahaha"

You had to be there..

Our Guide, Mirza

Our first stop was a place called Khiva. The town exists primarily for tourism as it has been turned into a museum town where you pay to enter the town and see the sights. We spent two night here. Mirza gave us a tour in the morning and saw everything. Really interesting place with loads of things to see primarily cultural. Khiva was one of the main stop off points for caravans travelling the Silk Road so had lots of grand buildings and Madrassas. Madrassas are special schools where boys used to go to learn the Koran.

Our digs in Khiva

The Impressive Minaret in Khiva. Minarets are the towers used to call to prayer and occasionally kill people.

Cemetary

The second night we all went out for dinner and afterwards Mirza and another guy took us to a night club. We were the only ones in there on account of it being a week night and Aoife took over from the DJ who was delighted to let us take over as we were the only customers.

The girls DJing

The next morning was an early start (luckily we'd been half sensible on the drink) and headed to Bukhara. This place was similar to Khiva. It was aimed at Tourists and the sights and buildings were terrific. This place had the most impressive Madrassas and Mosques. I was shocked at the amount of people who spoke English. All the kids came up and said "hello." Uzbeksitan has had the friendliest people so far by a mile everyone smiles and says hello (and tries to sell you something.)

Madrassa in Samarkand

A working Mosque

The best incident was when me and Denis were walking through Bukhara and I was taking a photo of him infront of a tree. A girl, about 9 years old had stopped to let me take the photo. I told her to pass and Denis and I told her to get in the photo which she did with a sweet smile. Next thing she says to Denis: "Ice Cream?" Denis, resigned to the fact he'd been stung goes "Aye, all right" "Then she goes: "Friend?" "No feck off just you!" She reeled him in and he bit. I sat there pissing myself as she led him off to bu her an ice cream. He deleted the photo.


From here we went to Samarkand. This was a bigger place more like a city. We were staying next to the University and the difference was subtle yet obvious. Much younger people, not as friendly but a much more liberal place. Mirza did one of his famous tours. There was a fantastic Madrassa and Mausoleum and a brilliant Bazaar (market). There was a fake McDonalds.

Large Madrassa in Samarkand

Central Square, Samarkand

Denis and Mel

The Bazaar

It was here that CJ broke the news that Tibet was closed to Foreigners until mid July which means we won't be able to visit there when we go through China. It also means that Nepal, Everest and India are all out and instead we will be spending longer in eastern China and South East Asia instead. It was quite a shock as Everest was one of the highlights for most of us and everyone was disappointed. But it does mean we'll see more of China including the Great Wall and the Panda Sanctuary as well as more of Vietnam so that will all be cool.



It was in Samarkand we had the mother of all nights out. This night out was different as Mirza took us to a traditional Uzbek dance hall where people go for dinner and then it turns into a disco. The best part about it was that whole families go out together and get ridiculously pissed up. When we got there even before we ordered food these crazy women came over to us and dragged us up dancing going mental. They were out celebrating a 60th birthday with the whole family. It felt like we were at a wedding except Wine was $3 a bottle. Fun times were had. It was so good we went again two nights later and we were treated to belly dancing by chicks who didn't have anything close to a belly. It was a border line strip club all in the name of family entertainment.

Crazy dancing

Crazy Woman!

More dancing

Belly Dancers demanding money

We moved onto Tashkent where we had two nights. The capital city had little to offer in regards to culture so we went to a water park and got sunburnt!


As I said Uzbeks have been the friendliest people so far I loved them. However, for some reason I don't think they like me. Here's why:


1. They keep saying I look like Wayne Rooney. Its bad enough to be told I look like Karl Pilkington but Wayne frickin Rooney??? You can f**k right off!
2. One of the funny things about the place was that the local people kept coming up to us asking for pictures with us. They were especially interested in the girls with blonde hair (aren't we all!) because no one in the country is blonde. However, I didn't get asked ONCE!!! I was getting a complex. Then one day we were walking around and these girls asked Jen and Lucey to be in a picture with them. I was like "right feck off so if you don't want me in it" then I felt a tap on my shoulder and I felt a wave of happiness as I felt loved and needed. A smile erupted on my face as I felt I had been accepted into theis foreign country, this new unfamiliar culture had finally accepted me as a friend.. I turned around and the girl handed me the camera, to take the photo. Humph
3. When the belly dancers were finished they went around the tables giving private dances (I know!) and you had to give them money (you didn't tuck it into their pants, just gave it to them) and I was waiting patiently with 1000 Sum in my hand and when she came past she skipped me and went to Keith. Yeah whatever bitch I didn't want it anyway!!

Needless complex or genuine reason? You decide!

Keith caught in the act!

For those of you following my shits I am now used to the heat so thankfully they are currently regular and solid for the time being anyway.


That be all for now. I am currently in Kyrgyzstan heading into the mountains for a few days so communications will be gone for a while. Then into China. No Facebook or Blogger for a whole month. Weird!


Adios amigos

Turkmenistan

Hello People.

Sorry its been so long since my last post. Internet has been scarce on the ground in the last few weeks and time has been even scarcer. So whats been happening? Well since my last post I have successfully travelled across the Caspian Sea, through Turkmenistan and am now in the magnificent Bukhara in Uzbekistan. Never heard of those countries? Yep me too until a few months ago.

You might remember from my last post that I was waiting anxiously as I was due to jump on a ferry across the Caspian Sea from Baku. Well, we arrived at the port at 3 am and were told a ferry would be leaving at 4, then 6, then 10. So we had an uncomfortable night's sleep on the truck. I awoke at around 9 with an arse as numb as Jordan's brain then sat around drinking tea waiting for about 4 hours. However, we managed to get through security and ended up with a quite acceptable cabin and set sail around 3pm so only a 12 hour wait. The ships that travel aren't actually ferry liners. They're oil and freight ships that occasionally carry passengers if the price is right! I spent the day sleeping and being annoyed by Azerbaijan sailors who wanted to talk but couldn't speak English but they managed to communicate "Rooney" and nothing else. I've learned that soccer is an international language that all men know and that "Rooney" is the most commonly known word.

In the evening we even got fed which was a major bonus. We had a piece of chicken on a bed of cracked wheat as my Pot Noodles lay forgotten. CJ our guide even managed to negotiate a couple of Beers from the captain. We were quite content, it even made up for the fact that we were all sharing one atrocious toilet. 

However, this led to drinking with some of the Sailors and more broken conversations about football. Just shows: Lads are lads, wherever you are.. One of the Sailors tried on Richards's hair for good measure.

They told us that we would not be docking till mid afternoon the next day so I prepared myself for a stellar lie in with a pot noodle for breakfast. However at 5 am an unimaginable Witch of a woman came knocking on our door with a broom and shouting telling us to get the hell out because we had arrived. I made journey time 16 hours from port to port which, I believe, is a trip record.

As I had guessed there was no way we'd get straight through customs at 5am. We were off the boat at 6 am and lay around till 10am before we could get through. This was followed by another 4 hour wait for the truck to get through customs but was made easier by a sausage and fried egg from a local caff.

The first thing that shocked me was the heat. It was warm enough in Azerbaijan but Jesus it was hot in Turkmenistan. We spent the day driving through the desert and with the window open it felt like someone was  blowing you in the face with a hairdryer. Easily over 40 degrees. We bush camped the first night and our guide Max warned us about Snakes and Scorpions but quickly followed this up with "there's nothing to worry about." Snakes? Scorpions? That's something to worry about in my book...

We moved onto the capital Ashgabat the next day. This place blew my mind. I don't know what I was expecting but it certainly wasn't what I saw. The city was completely destroyed by an earthquake in the 40s and its been rebuilt in huge impressive white marble all imported from Europe. The country is in the Desert yet every building has a huge fountain outside it. The city has an ice rink and every building is huge and grand. 

I have to say even though it was all stunningly beautiful there seemed a weird atmosphere in the place. There seemed to be nobody around and all the buildings were over the top as if to show off wealth yet there seemed to be no sign of anyone enjoying them. 

Turkmenistan is a Police state. This meant that every street corner had either a Policeman or a Soldier standing on it. No international text messages were allowed, no photos of government buildings and we were told that our hotel rooms would be bugged! As our guide took us around and we were looking at the building above suddenly a camera crew turn up and Richard gave them an interview they said to say what he thought of the place and it was for Turkmen TV.. Coincidence?

The country has bags and bags of cash. They have huge oil reserves and enough Gas to last them 400 years. Max was telling us that every person in the country gets free gas and that they receive 2500 euros of free fuel every year. Even if they use all this, petrol is still the equivalent of 20 cent a liter! 

Petrol is .55 Manat a litre. Water is 1 Manat a liter, almost twice the price!

After our morning tour of Ashgabat I relaxed for the evening in the hotel. That evening it finally happened, something everyone had warned me about and told me about and glorified in stories...

I got the shits.

Now in my last Blog I was told off by my Mum for talking about shitting too much. "I don't want to read about you taking a shit on the internet thank you" But I would not be doing this blog justice if I didn't tell you about it. Don't get me wrong I've had Diarrhea before. But this. This was ridiculous! I was puking my guts up and simultaneously pissing out of my arse constantly for about 5 hours. It was by far the worst I have ever felt my body was just flushing me out and leaving nothing to chance. I couldn't help thinking if this room was bugged then whoever was listening was having a bad night's work! After a few hours I managed to keep down an antibiotic and some re hydration fluids and it came to an end. I looked visibly skinnier and pale. Not a nice experience! 

The following day we traveled up north and I spent the day sleeping and receiving sympathy off all the girls which I obviously didn't enjoy one bit... 

We drove up through the desert and had Tea in a tea house on the way which was really cool.

We bush camped in the desert and that night we experienced the highlight of Turkmenistan for me: The gas crater. This was lit 40 years ago and is literally gas coming out of the ground on fire. Waste of Gas? Yeah sure but they've 400 years of the stuff! It's Gas...

We continued our way north the following day with a long drive as we were to camp near the Uzbek border. In the afternoon we stopped at another Desert town in this place that was described as a Sauna and was the most bizarre establishment I have ever been to. It was a bar with a dance floor that served tea. But in the back there were a load of showers, a sauna and the most disgusting swimming pool in existence. We all had a shit and a shower then some tea. As a laugh Lucy got up dancing to the music. Next thing the bar owner turned up the music and turned down the lights. Next thing: impromptu disco in the desert! That's what its all about for me. It reminded me of the street bonfire in Istanbul, just a random moment: Dancing in a tea house in Turkmenistan..sober! We later worked out that the place was also a brothel.

The next day we made our way to the border and into Uzbekistan and I'll be honest glad to move on. Lovely country with fantastic scenery but with a weird paranoid atmosphere that will surely go over time.

Currently in Uzbekistan which I'm really really liking and will tell all in my next post.

And don't forget you can find my exact location via this link:
http://share.findmespot.com/shared/faces/viewspots.jsp?glId=0nreeXaLcgGS6xkCr8fF5IvdI1BAZEevv

That's all for now see ya later dudes!