Laos

Hello there peeps hows the craic? Good? Good!
Another handy sized blog for you lucky lucky people coming right up. The Chaos in Laos is here for you to read!

So we crossed the border from China with relative ease. I always talk about the contrast between countries but the contrast here was remarkable. You leave China thats busy and manic with scooters "tooting" at you everywhere you go, people shouting at you with babies strapped to them and doing their blood pressure no good at all at all. Then you cross into Laos where the living is eeeeasy.. Ahhhhh.

And the chicks are way hotter than Chinese ones

Our first stop was a place called Luan Nam Tha a small town that exists for tourism. This was one of the main changes. We left China where there's no such thing as a pub and people who have never seen a Westerner in the flesh before. You come to Laos where Tourism is the main industry, everyone speaks English and everything is catered to your need. Noone staring at you and asking for photos just blokes trying to give you a lift in a tuk tuk. We no longer felt special, or loved and it took a bit of getting used to.

Also, a big difference was the pace of the trip has slowed considerably. We're no longer haring through China at a rate of knots every place we go we have three or four nights there. How did we deal with this new found amount of time? Got fuckin drunk!

Anyway, Luan Nam Tha was a real homely little place with plenty of activities and was a welcome break from the madness of China. The first day we all hired bikes and a local guide took us around the surrounding countryside and I was introdued to the new incredible humidity. I have never sweated so much in my whole life! But the cycle tour was briliant we stopped at a waterfall at the end and had lunch served in Banana leaves and had a swim in the river it was really cool.

Stopping for water!

Denis feeling his age

Lunch in a Banana Leaf

When we were on the cycle, the guy took us up and showed us a local village. They were a tribe that had emigrated from China years ago and had settled here. It was really like going back in time as they live together and have their own schools and economy. The girls brought bracelets from naked children!

Local Village Children

Local village

Bracelets for sale

We spent the next couple of nights getting drunk in the bar the details of which, I'll spare you!

From here we went to another small place called Non Khiaow. Again, there wasn't a lot there but it was nice to relax and admire the scenery. We stayed in cabins on the river and had a terrific view of the river and the surrounding mountains. The humidity continued to kill me. I had dinner with two nice Dutch girls who turned out not to be sluts :)

The river at Non Khiaow, a tributary of the Mekong

Some scenery in Non Khiaow

After two nights there we travelled down the river on a boat to Luang Prabang while CJ and Jim raced us in the truck. Luang Prabang was a much bigger place and a massive tourist town but still had that relaxed feel about it. Luang Prabang was great just to wonder around. The first day there I didn't do a whole lot but wondered. Whilst there we visited this large Buddist temple up on top of a hill. It was very cool to see the monks around and also the statues of Buddha that dot the hillside. Luang Prabang was also brilliant for its night market. It was about a mile long with all sorts of things for sale. We also celebrated Zoe and Susan's engagement with a surprisingly civilised party in a really cool bar overlooking the river. We even had wine and Champagne..very civilised!

A view of Luang Prabang

Buddas on the hillside

Buddas

Dinner at the night market

The three nights in Luanag Prabang flew and before I knew it, it had arrived! Tubing day!!!!! We left early in the morning and arrived in a town called Vang Vieng that is famous for one reason and that's tubing! Ok let me explain this to you if you don't know. Basically, you hire a rubber ring and float down a river. You stop at bars and drink Laos whiskey out of a bucket getting slowly more shit faced as you go. It's immense fun. Yeah yeah yeah it can be dangerous if you're an idiot but we stuck together as a group and had a great time.

Before the madness

Half way through!

Lucey relaxing!

A soft landing

Mmmm Lao whiskey in a bucket

Towards the end!

In the mud pool where I was blinded with mud in my eyes

Some funny stuff that happened whilst tubing:
1. We were talking to these guys that found out that Denis was a grandad. He became known as "The Tubing Grandad" for the rest of the trip. Something I enjoy winding him up about.
2. In one of the bars there was like a bouncy castle in the water and you could jump off the bar onto it. If you managed to stay on someone else could jump onto the edge and shoot you into the air. Me and Denis tried jumping onto it with Susan on the end. But instead of shooting out into the water she shot directly up into the air and landed down on top of us. I will forever have a vision in my mind of Susan's arse three inches away from my face!
3. Mud wrestling! The last bar we went to had a mud pool so we kicked the crap out of each other in there and I spear tackled a few women. Good craic!
We finished up Tubing around 6pm (It was enough!) had a shower and hit the town again for another drunken night. Anyone seeing a pattern here?

The next day, battered and bruised, we moved onto the capital Vientiene. After the excitement of Tubing there's not a lot to tell you about this place. A much bigger place than anywhere else we'd been in Laos and less to do. The was a very French 'Arc de Trioumph' and a good market. We had a couple of sessions Aoife's birthday being the best. We also saw a lot of creepy old guys hanging out with Ladyboys in one of the bars which was a tiny bit strange but is all in preparation for Thailand!

And finally, my second favourite thing about Laos after Tubing was this poster we saw on the way through the border. It had the rules of Laos for foreigners and then there was little sketched cartoons to symbolise the rules. They had one which said to take your shoes off when you go into someone's house. Then a picture of a Laotian freaking out looking at a foreigner wearing shoes. There was one which said not to do drugs in Laos and there was a picture of two tourists stoned and two Laotians freaking out. But the funniest one was one which said that Child abuse is illegal in Laos and then a picture of a tourist holding hands with a child, walking away and a Laotian freaking out!

The poster!

It truly was Chaos in Laos, our favourite pun of the country!

Currently in Vietnam being very sensible and going to bed early. can't wait for that blog!

China Part 2

Hello Again! Getting good at this Blog writing eh? Thought I'd left you but I'm back again with a bang. The eedjit abroad has struck again!

So when we last met I was in Xi'an a huge city with our first taste of Western culture and the magnificent Terracotta Warriors. Well that evening we got a sleeper train to Beijing. The Beijing trip was an additional add on to the trip and we would miss two nights in Xi'an and three nights in Chengdu but I figured it was worth it. So me and four of the women (later to be christened "Ben and his Beijing babes") went on a holiday within a holiday. We took the overnight train and stayed in first class cabins (naturally) the train journey cost about $80 but it was worth the upgrade when we got there the rooms were immaculate and the toilet wasn't even that scary (by Chinese standards). If you think it costs 60 euro for a 4 our journey from Cork to Dublin its a pretty good deal. To top it off we had wine and Pot Noodles..very civilised!

When we arrived in Beijing we waited an hour for a taxi to take us to our hotel. On a side note: Never get a f***ing taxi in China. The drivers won't take you if it's too far and if they have to turn around and if your foreign. And even if you do manage to find one that likes you if you arrive alive its a frickin bonus and nothing else, you have to tip them just to get you there without them killing you arriving alive costs extra stupid feckin.... Ok thats off my chest.

Beijing was an abslutely crazy city. People talk about how crowded China is but we'd been through the Taklamaken Desert and out in the middle of nowhere for two weeks the amount of people was astounding. Taking the subway was unreal just packed in like Sardines without oil! Having said that the Subway was amazing really modern and efficient brilliant stuff.. I'm a nerd for public transport..

We were in Beijing for four nights and we crammed everything in in that time. We didn't stop from morning till night getting up early and bed late. The second we arrived we went to the Forbidden City. The following day we took a bus tour out to the Ming Tombs and The Great Wall and the third day we went to Tianamen Square and I sat outside GAP for three hours while the women went shopping (best part of the trip) and saw the Olympic stadium. We also paid a visit to an Irish Bar and got soaked by a freak rain storm and then had McDonalds. We saw a really cool acrobatic show with amazing stunts, the best by far being when they got 20 girls on one bicycle whilst one girl was peddling it around the stage in a circle. Crazy shit!

Me outside the Forbidden City

Inside the Forbidden City

Ben and his Beijing babes minus Mel

Spot the Westerner

The Ming Tombs

Me on the Great Wall

Got mugged for a photo with a Chinese man! Also, you can see all the people that are there in the background

Tianamen Square

The queue to see Chairman Mao's body!

The Olympic Stadium

Irish pub after getting soaked!

There's so much to say about Beijing it needs a whole blog to itself really. We had an awesome time. My favourite part was being at the Wall. We'd already been to a different part but it was great being at the iconic part of it. What I didn't like was the sheer busy-ness of the place it made you feel really aggressive as you tried to fight through crowds to get to places. Also you can see from the photos the amount of pollution is unnatural. The sky is constantly covered in a thick smog and you can't see the sky or the clouds which was a bit strange but true all over China's built up areas. Oh, and did I mention the taxi drivers?

After the hectic four days we took a flight back down south to meet back with the group (who were waiting for us with flowers and tears in their eyes). We arrived late and I was glad to hit my bed at 2 am after a huge row with another feckin taxi driver because he wouldn't out the meter on stupid prat. But was it a lie in for me? No sir! It was time for one of the highlights of the trip for me: the Panda Sanctuary! We saw little ones and Giant ones and I enjoyed every minute even if I was grumpy and tired!

Scoffing bamboo

Doing an impression of me with a hangover

From Chengdu we began heading south. We had a good bit of driving to do but as before we still saw a lot of cool places as we went. As we went we got a good view of China's growing economic prosperity. The roads they're building there you wouldn't believe. Huge highways over valleys and tunnels 10 km long. Won't be long before China rules the world I promise you that.

We also got a good view of the people of China and even though the cities and the country as a whole is growing at a shocking rate. There's still people in the countryside who have never seen a white prson before.

The crowd we attracted when we stopped for lunch

As we travelled south we hit a town called Lijiang. This was the first touristy place we had been since we got to China (except for Beijing) and the change of scenery was very noticeable. Lijiang had a beautiful Old Town and was a really nice place to walk around. We also found our first proper bar which wasn't a restaurant or a Karaoke bar! We spent a lot of time in that.

Canal side restaurant, Lijiang

The waterwheel in Lijiang

After Lijiang we hit a place called Dali (Correctly pronounced daRli but pronounced dAli by English people and Dubs). We knew now we were well onto the tourist track again as the place was full of bars, Western food and Westerners. The effect it had on us was crazy as we went mad eating Shepherd's pie, Fish and Chips, drinking in bars and staring at other Westerners like we were Chinese people!

It was here that Zoe and Susan announced their engagement so a party was had! Congratulations girls.

Pagoda in Dali

The group in Dali

Everywhere we went in Dali you could get a massage. All the guide books said that the massage parlour that was run by a group of Deaf people was the best. It was! I got a back massage from this sweet old woman and she beat the shit outta me! I was like oh this'll be easy. Nope she didn't pull any punches. My back was clicking like a socket set. She even gave me a semi.. but no happy ending.
The funniest part was they were playing Westlife on the radio. Thats right. Westlife in the Deaf massage parlour... take that Louis Walsh.

Feel the pain!

Finally one last place to tell you about. This was the Giant Budda in Leshan. Its incredible to see these Giant Buddas and this one was no exception. Absolutely incredible.

Giant Budda Leshan

Now, I know I've gone on a bit in this Blog but just one more thing. All the way through China we had a guide who's English name was George. No China Blog would be complete without mentioning him. He was without doubt the best guide we've had on the trip. Nothing was any trouble, he would break his balls to help you if you asked him and he is one of the nicest people I've ever met. So much so I was actually quite emotional leaving him when we crossed the border. A top bloke and I hope to meet him again someday.

George asleep in the cab!

He's a lady's man

George telling one of his jokes

The group the day we left George. Spot the tears!

Ok so China is over, very sad very sad. Currently in the incredibly laid back Laos. Fun times and more Blogs to come! Talk soon amigos!

China Part 1

Hello Again. Told you I'd call didn't I? I bet you've been checking every few minutes. Will he won't he? He did!! Yeah!

So as an extra special treat I'm going to try to attempt to have a go at doing this China Blog all in one. I may get frustrated and bored half way through (as will you when you read it) and give up and do it in two parts so who knows you could have an extra one to read. Oooh the excitement!

So China. We arrived in our first place Kashgar (A town recently on the news for a mass stabbing) after a long journey and an early start from our last camp in Kyrgyzstan. The journey over the border was a bizarre one. We went through the Kyrgyzstan side of the border fine no bother, then it was a 150 km journey through no man's land to the China border (this was something to do with the Soviets) over mountains in which we experienced rain, sun and snow! Passing through the China side was surprisingly easy after CJ had warned us it'd be a nightmare and a few hours later we got to our hotel. We were all on a "new country buzz" and went for a lovely Chinese dinner which took much longer due to the compulsory use of chopsticks!

We had three nights in Kashgar and it was a great little (I say little, it was frickin huge by our standards) place. Kashgar is in the far west of the country and is in an area where the people are part of a minority group called the Vigas who crave independance. This meant everything was in Chinese, Vigan and badly translated English. My favourite part of Kashgar was when a few of us went for dinner in a market place and ate on the stalls. We had noodles, dumplings and fried fish. We decided against the Sheep's heads! It was great fun going around the stalls and trying the stuff through a mixture of pointing and Aoife's Mandarin book. When we were eating the fish we wanted to know what type of fish it was so Aoife asked in Chinese: "What is this?" He replied: "Fish"
No shit sherlock

Some things I noticed about China: Loads of people frickin mental, you get stared at everywhere you go, mopeds, dentists everywhere, a woman with hairy legs, clothes shops everywhere, crazy driving, more mopeds, noodles, bad english translations.

An example of the translations

Dinner at the marketplace

Market dinner



Kashgar

 After three nights in Kashgar it was time to hit the road. As we were not allowed into Tibet we had to drive all the way to Laos in 4 weeks as our visas wouldn't allow us stay longer. The following week or two saw us drive at a mental rate spending no more than two nights in one place due to the huge distance we had to cover. Having said that we still saw a huge amount of really cool stuff along the way.

Next stop was Turpan. Turpan is the second lowest point on earth being below sea level. Luckily its in land and a desert so it doesn't worry about it too much. Here we visited the ancient city of Jiaohe. This ruined city is extremely well preserved and it was really cool to look around even if I nearly passed out from the heat. The ancient city was an important part of the Silk Road and dates back to no later than 1800BC.

Me at Jiaohe Ruins



Ancient city of Jiaohe

 After a night camping in a quarry we went to a place called Dunhuang. We had two good nights here and this was where we went to see the Giant Indoor Buddha. I was a bit hungover and I was like oh right yeah some Buddhas in a cave wupdeydo but oh boy these things were cool christ they were huge never seen anything like it. Unfortunately you couldn't take pictures but I managed to get one off the Odyssey blog but it just doesn't do them justice



The reclining Buddha

 Moving on we visited the Cities of Zhangye, Wuwei and Lanzhou and spent one night in each as we shot across the country. The best of these towns was Wuwei. Wuwei was well off the beaten track. You knew this by the way people stared at you. Chinese people are obsessed by Westerners and its likely that in Wuwei we were some of the first Western people they'd seen in the flesh as loads of people stopped us wanting photos with us. In the evening we were walking through the main square and stopped to watch some Tai Chi. When it had finished I turned around and I'm not exaggerating when I say there was 100 people watching us! I got a photo as I walked/ran away which gives a slight idea of the amount of people staring. The only Western people they see are on TV in films and stuff so when they see us they automatically associate us with that. Its frightening, but pretty cool. Very good for the ego by the time we were leaving China we were strutting around like rockstars. I was thinking of paying some to come with us and boost my ego everyday I'd let them sleep in the wood rack on the truck but CJ wouldn't let me so unfair..



A parting shot of our admirers



A family we met when we went for noodles

Wuwei

More of our fans

However, none of this compared to the campsite in Jiayguan. Here we stopped and camped next to an old part of the Great Wall. We set up camp and went straight up. This was whats known as a "Wall Buzz" We spent a few hours walking up and down it and also had a beer!
Oh and on one of the towers. There was human shit. Just thought I'd+ put that in for my fans who enjoy hearing shit stories!

The wall!

Having a Beer on the wall

View from the wall

A view of the wall

Human shit on the wall...

CJ Naked on the wall (This one passed the Censor!)

After our Wall Buzz we went back down to camp to find Police waiting for us! Because they didn't know we were there apparently they insisted we move to a hotel for the night. This was at 9pm! After a row with the campsite owners and CJ trying his best to plead there was no changing the minds of these 5 guys with guns so we had to pack up camp in the dark and move to a hotel. This wasn't the end of the world but just shows don't mess with the Chinese authorities!

After this hectic week or so we arrived in the city of Xi'an. It felt like we had passed through a barrier into the West. As we came into the city we saw McDonalds, KFC and Dunkin Donuts. The place had a more Western feel and it had a strange uplift on the group. We arrived at the hotel and everyone went out for some good old fashioned bad for you fast food. However, Denis the miserable old basterd wouldn't go for McDonalds so I had to go with him for yet more feckin noodles. The old man let me down there so he did! :)

The following morning we then headed to another great iconic sight of China: The Terracotta Warriors. The Terracotta warriors were a fake army created and buried years ago. The idea was that the army would allow the emperor to rule the after life. They are being slowly restored and man they're cool..

Ok thats all for now you're probably bored already!

Coming up in China Part 2: Beijing, Lijiang, Dali and Pandas!!

See you next time, same Bat Blog, same Batty writer!